Envy

Horrible title, don't you think? Envy is a feeling I immediately regret and feel guilty for the second it enters my brain and is delivered at my heart. It makes me feel unappreciative of what I have. But there are different levels of it. The envy you feel when you see someone looking absolutely put together and fabulous while you're still wearing T-shirt and pants from three years ago is slightly different from envying somebody elses marriage. So what's this envy I'm feeling? Let me back up.

School started three weeks ago. Amen, right? The kids had a full summer of traveling, swimming and sleeping in late. It was time to go back, all good things must come to an end! They were excited too. Getting new school clothes, new backpacks and lunch box's. They just couldn't wait to see who their teachers were and what friends from last year were in their class. They would be up stairs with the big kids now too, oh what an upgrade in their social standings. To me they just looked like third graders too. They have grown up and have gone on to the next "level" in their short little lives. But, I knew this beginning of school honeymoon period was going to be short lived and I was sad to be so well aware of why.

Those first few days of learning names, getting your seat assignment in class, breaking in your notebooks (that are just regular lines and not that "baby kindergarten" line!) all of those activities are benign....nothing harmful comes from them or hurtful (unless you sit next to the school bully, which we didn't this year). It's blissful. And then work begins. Maybe starts out with an easy review of last years math skills or writing about what you did over the summer. But slowly the newness wears off.

My kids are all different, just like anybody elses. They have different personalities, strengths and weaknesses. All are in third grade but at very different levels of third grade. I have a daughter who can barely read. Those words don't flow from my fingers onto this keyboard very easy, my heart is pounding and eyes are pushing back tears just looking at what I have wrote. But it's true. How? How can this be? She was with a great reading teacher last year and we kept notes on her progress, she did make progress. It was slow and there are still many questions why she can't read. Yes, I know, different people learn at different times....read above.

Little people are very complex for being so little. She is tiny and there is so much going on in her. She wants so badly to read....but she does get in her own way sometimes. She doubts herself so much. I see her flipping through those "Horrible Harry" books, the Jack and Annie books, trying to read them. Wanting so bad to uncover and decode what all those words mean. "Help her!" you say. Aha, she closes up, gets angry that she needs the help. Pushes me away physically and with words. This is where she gets in her own way. Her sister came home with "The Princess Diaries" last night. My heart sank. "Riley, it's the book about the movie we watched last week. It's soooo good". I'm beaming that Grace is reading a book geared towards 6th grade and heart broken because I KNOW what's coming next. A melt down. "I don't care about your stupid book." Her face is hurt and gone pale. She's pissed, to say the least. She wants to get caught up in that book and read all the funny stories and imagine the characters, but she knows she can't.

So, back in the classroom as the work begins and Riley can't read the instructions, or the book layed out before her....each one taking their turn reading aloud...she can't. She can't read it and she can't follow along. She can't say her spelling words how is she to learn to spell them? How long will this go on before she just gives up? On school and herself. How do you make an 8 year old believe they CAN do it?

This is where the envy comes in, quickly followed up with the guilt. I envy those kids and their parents who don't have this struggle. I don't want to hear about how stressed they are or how busy they are....I just want to scream "ya, but your kid can read!! Shut up and stop complaining!" I feel physically ill saying it. I mean, I have the most beautiful daughter, with the brightest smile who was born completely healthy and remains healthy (except for that small cavity we're getting fixed tomorrow). But if I, a grown thirty something adult, feel this way just what is my dear Riley feeling? I wish I could wrap this up with some bit of understanding and say something witty and funny. But I can't. I'm worried.

Catching Up!

Whew, it's been awhile! The months have been busy and I have to admit that I've developed a slight addiction to Facebook....just ever so slightly. Have you been to it? You MUST check it out! It's great to catch up with old friends and keep in touch with people. Go on now, go check it out and sign up for it...I'll add you as my "friend"!



We've finished up the school year and I now have three kiddos ready for third grade. Marshall and I finished up homeschooling and it really went well. I was so nervous at first but once we got going and had our routine set things went smoothly. It was great to see him learn and make great progress. Still not sure if we will put him back in school for next year. We have 4 third grade classes and I haven't heard good things about any of them....even other teachers are telling me this. Great. Can I just say, if you don't like your job or if you just pretty much suck at it.....stop doing it. Okay. It really would make my life easier. Oh well, I'm trying not to dwell on it this summer.



The kids made their First Communion as well a few weeks ago. They were beautiful and it was a great day for them. I'm glad they got to experience this in Italy in one of the beautiful churches here.



We are also moving to a different home in a few weeks. We live in what's called "GRHP" housing here. Basically a group of homes that Americans live in. We have some Italian neighbors but for the most part it's an American neighborhood. The new place is not only bigger (5 bedrooms) but it's away from the base and we are surrounded by Italians. It's very easy to come here, live in American housing, shop on base, and take my kids to the American school on base and have absolutely no Italian experience....which surprisingly is what many do. We really wanted to be out and away and experience as much of an Italian life as possible. The current renters had us over to meet the neighbors the other night and it was a blast. They speak no English and we speak just about no Italian. Hopefully that will change soon!



Our summer is packed full of visitors too. Marks parents come next week for a month, his sister and family are also coming for two weeks and then my older son and his buddy are coming. It will be non stop for weeks and we can't wait. We are going to Florence, Cinque Terre, Pisa, Rome, Venice and the Bavarian Alps....oh and I'm sure we'll be stopping at a few wineries.



Ciao for now!

Erin

Hello? Hello....anyone still there?

Things have been busy at the ol' Guerin household lately. So, if by chance any of you are still coming around looking for an update, you're in luck today!

First, let me brag about my husband for a few minutes. He won an award a few weeks ago and I couldn't be more proud of him. He won First Sergeant of the Year for his wing, again. Now, I don't want to shove this in your face and be one of those people who won't shut up about how fabulous their kids are....but I have to say that word...."AGAIN". This was his second win. We were at another base last year and he won there as well. I certainly don't think this means he is better than anyone else but I do see it as recognition that he's worked his butt off.

Let me just give you a tad bit of history on Mark. He's been in for almost 22 years. He was in the medical field for about 19 years and lets just say he was less than happy there. He has never won any other award. He had been "put in" for them but never pulled them off. So, he decides to become a First Sergeant against a lot of peoples advice...too much work, too hard to get promoted when you are one, not worth it, is what most said. But he did it and has never loved anything so much. I think these awards reflect that. I am very proud and happy for him!

Okay, ummmm, what else has been going on? I've been taking Italian cooking classes. They are held on Saturdays for about three hours and are at a local Italians house up the road. It's been great and I really enjoy them. The best part is when they open wine at about 10:00 in the morning and then sitting down and enjoying all that you have cooked. I've learned gnocchi, Gorgonzola cheese sauce, pomadora sauce and profiteroles. My next class is about pumpkin risotto!!!! Can't wait for that.

And lastly, we have a pretty big update on Marshall. We have decided to home school him for the remainder of this year and possibly next year as well. It has been a frustrating year for him and us. After changing his classes this year we realize that he probably didn't get the best fit. He is slipping further and further behind each day. Sadly his teacher is unable to offer any suggestions to help, only to test him for ADD and special ed. It hurts to know that his Kindergarten and First grade teachers were able recognize how wonderful Marshall was and that he just took longer to grasp things and to now have a teacher to look at you and tell you they just "don't know".

With the help of a very close friend we have picked out curriculum, changed one of the bedrooms into a class room and lastly prayed for guidance. It is something that is very intimidating but we truly feel it's an option that we have to explore for him. It just pulls at my soul to see this little boy struggle everyday and think less and less of himself as the days go by. There are so many unknowns with this. How will he handle it? How will the girls deal with Marshall "staying" home all day? How long will we do this for? What happens when/if he goes back to school? What do we say to all of those people who doubt home schooling? We don't know those answers but I am 100% positive it will not get better in that school for him, and for right now THIS is in his best interest.

So, there you have it!

Ciao
Erin

PS We are going to Paris for 5 days in April!!! Very exciting, oui!